roti

I decided to make an Indian-style meal for my mom on Sunday (Mother's Day).  I made a meat dish, and where I live in India, meat dishes are eaten not with rice, but with roti, a flatbread composed quite simply of 3 ingredients - flour, water, and a bit of salt.

Simply composed, but not easily made.

It had been a while since I made it.  During the months before I left India in March for an extended time in the states, my roommate and I had hired a friend to make it for us a few times a week.  So when I began the process on Sunday morning, I realized I had forgotten what a mess it was.

Into a bowl of flour (with the bit of salt mixed in) I slowly added small amounts of water, all the while trying to mix it together with my hand.  You can imagine the stickiness.  There is always a point when I wonder if I'm getting anywhere, as it feels that most of the flour is glued to my fingers.  But I persevere, always remembering the countless times I've watched my friends do it effortlessly and free of anxiety.  Eventually, after the right amount of water is added, and the right amount of kneading is accomplished, the dough reaches the right consistency, my hand is relatively clean, and even the bowl is mostly paste-free.

On Sunday, the roti making struck me as metaphor.  The reason I almost give up in that moment of stickiness is because of the chaos.  It does not feel like something good is going to come out of these ingredients trying to mix together.  Sometimes I wish my life could be compartmentalized, the different parts of me kept separate.  It doesn't seem like they'll mix very well.  It feels chaotic to attempt it, and, quite frankly, that stresses me out.

As I enter my home culture for a season and familiarize myself with current events in my home community, I see evidence that I'm not alone in wanting to avoid times of confusion.  That is actually not meant to be a critique, but a compassionate observation.  We don't know what will be on the other side of chaos, and it's scary to get started on a journey that is sure to lead us through it.

If my roti on Sunday was less then wonderful, it was only because of my lack of practice.  I've been amazed at how amazing flour and water taste once they've been skillfully baked into roti.  It's definitely worth the mess.

Surely getting to the other side of chaos is always worth the mess.